5.08.2008

What the world needs now is another Hulk movie

No, I'm not serious.

So dorks the internet over, including my own dweeby friends, seem to be gushing over the new Incredible Hulk movie that's coming out. I really don't understand this hype machine. Why exactly does there need to be yet another remake of this movie, and so soon after the last one? Yes the last one sucked ass, but does that really justify the need for a remake? If we started remaking every movie just because they sucked, suffice to say there'd be a LOT of fucking remakes out there. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that 50% of all movies ever made suck. Plus it's not like we aren't already neck-deep in fucking remakes these days. There are still so many other superhero movies out there yet to be made (where the fuck is Ant Man!?), so why waste time on something that's been done?

Half the buzz around this movie seems to be that, zOMG, Edward Norton is at the helm!! So what? I fail to see why that alone will make this movie any better. Sure Norton is a good actor, I like him as much as anyone, but that's meaningless in a movie such as this. He's still going to be a big green CG blob for half the movie. Do you really need a good actor when 50% of the dialog is "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHGH!" It's not like Eric Bana and Ang Lee are a shitty actor or director. On the contrary, they are both considered to be pretty good by most standards. So why the hell will Norton do so good where they failed? I took a look at the other credits on this movie: the guy who wrote the screenplay was also the writer for such previous shitty superhero movies like the last X-Men one, Elektra, and the Fantastic 4. And the director? He was responsible for the awesome feast of incredible artistry that was The Transporter 2.

Knowing this, and having seen the preview, this movie just looks to be another CG explosion-fest starring a sweaty blob of CG muscles with a shitty love story tossed in the middle of it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly the same as the last Hulk movie?

ps: FUCK IMDB and their cunting fucking flash ads for Batman and The Hulk that they have overlay your entire fucking browser so you can't do anything!! What the christballs. These fucking ads are getting out of control.

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