What the world needs now is another Hulk movie

No, I'm not serious.

So dorks the internet over, including my own dweeby friends, seem to be gushing over the new Incredible Hulk movie that's coming out. I really don't understand this hype machine. Why exactly does there need to be yet another remake of this movie, and so soon after the last one? Yes the last one sucked ass, but does that really justify the need for a remake? If we started remaking every movie just because they sucked, suffice to say there'd be a LOT of fucking remakes out there. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that 50% of all movies ever made suck. Plus it's not like we aren't already neck-deep in fucking remakes these days. There are still so many other superhero movies out there yet to be made (where the fuck is Ant Man!?), so why waste time on something that's been done?

Half the buzz around this movie seems to be that, zOMG, Edward Norton is at the helm!! So what? I fail to see why that alone will make this movie any better. Sure Norton is a good actor, I like him as much as anyone, but that's meaningless in a movie such as this. He's still going to be a big green CG blob for half the movie. Do you really need a good actor when 50% of the dialog is "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHGH!" It's not like Eric Bana and Ang Lee are a shitty actor or director. On the contrary, they are both considered to be pretty good by most standards. So why the hell will Norton do so good where they failed? I took a look at the other credits on this movie: the guy who wrote the screenplay was also the writer for such previous shitty superhero movies like the last X-Men one, Elektra, and the Fantastic 4. And the director? He was responsible for the awesome feast of incredible artistry that was The Transporter 2.

Knowing this, and having seen the preview, this movie just looks to be another CG explosion-fest starring a sweaty blob of CG muscles with a shitty love story tossed in the middle of it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly the same as the last Hulk movie?

ps: FUCK IMDB and their cunting fucking flash ads for Batman and The Hulk that they have overlay your entire fucking browser so you can't do anything!! What the christballs. These fucking ads are getting out of control.

Ok now it's gettting wierd

So aparently the Lebowski references were intentional. It's been continuing all week:



What in the crap is going on!?

Mediocre Comic Strip References Awesome Movie, Confuses Many

Today on my daily perusing of the comics section in the Washington Post, I noticed something pretty odd. Check it out:



Normally this comic sucks ass and never references anything even remotely tied to pop culture (although I do appreciate its promotion of adopting animals from shelters). So what the hell is going on here? Did the old coot who writes it have an aneurysm and his cool grandson took over?

If you didn't catch it yet, I think this is a huge nod to The Big Lebowski. I mean, the cat is even wearing a freakin' bathrobe.

snapped this while driving to work one day
thought it was fuckin awesome and hilarious

I hate that fucking verizon FIOS kid

For the love of God, please take this creepy fucking pumpkin-headed Chucky-doll little shit off the air. Whatever casting director or advertising exec thought he was "cute" or "endearing" needs to be bludgeoned to death. If there's one thing I hate in advertising (aside from those pompous Apple commercials of late -- rant soon to come), it's precocious little fuckwads hocking a product with their over saturated vomit-inducing "cute innocence." This little monster is about the worst thing to come along in this department since that freakish troll who did the Pepsi ads years ago. Thank Christ she fell off the face of the earth.

I fail to see anything remotely cute about this kid. He is incredibly creepy, and outright retarded looking, with his special-needs bowl cut that calls even more attention (if it were possible) to his giant misshapen football head.

Actually, you know what he looks like, he looks like fucking Gollum from LOTR. Why would you want that freak selling your product?



As long as I'm ranting about this horrible ad campaign, here's another thing. Why the fuck has that Verizon technician been installing the same thing in this family's home for the better part of a year? Exactly how goddamn long does it take to set up FIOS? What the FUCK is "true quam" anyways!? Good lord I hate these commercials. If that douchenozzle was hanging about my house for THAT long, spending entirely too much time talking with my fuck-ugly kid, I would call the cops on the pederast right quick.

I digress -- my point is, get rid of this demon-child, standing around with that stupid look of confusion on his fat little creepy face. I really hope this is his only line of major commercials.

I'm guessing that the people who were market-tested as liking these commercials are the same tardbags who keep the Family Circus in print, which also centers around fat-headed mentally challenged little bastards.

Survey Proves What All of Us Have Known for Years

Coming under the heading of "I could've told you that..." a recent survey has found Philadelphia to be the most unattractive city in the US.
NO WAY!

Full "story" here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071022/od_nm/philadelphia_unattractive1_dc

Somewhat surprisingly to me, DC came in second. Frankly I think there's a LOT of hot chicks around here (albeit all conceited whores). I guess it's the disproportionate amount of hideous politicians that set us back.

Local Baby Declared TEH WINNAR!

My friend alerted me to a hilarious news headline this morning:

Two years after US soldier's death, widow has his son

and no, it wasn't from The Onion.
There is something quite obviously wrong with that statement. After reading the actual story it wasn't nearly as funny as I had hoped -- it had to do with artificial insemination. This brings me to my real point:
I don't mean to diss the grieving widow of a soldier, but come on lady, what's wrong with you? You are essentially forcing your child to grow up without a father -- and you had a choice about it!
It's one thing if you were already pregnant and dad goes off and dies unexpectedly, but for him to die, and THEN you decide to impregnate yourself with his kid? What the fuck? I really fail to see how that honors him.

Anyways, after seeing the picture that accompanied the article, I came up with a more appropriate headline (which is what the title of this post is). Apparently this mongoloid baby is the spitting image of his dad too... yeesh... poor guy.

This woman is freakin awesome

This might be the first non-rant in my blog. I thought I could break format for a bit to give this woman more deserved accolades. Thankyou Mona for doing what so many of us feel like doing all the time.
Read the article here
(note: you might have to sign up to washingtonpost.com to read the full thing)

Who says senior citizens are useless? (well...I have on a couple occasions, but that's besides the point)

The only thing I can add is it would've been even more awesome if she went Oldboy on their asses. But then I guess she might be doing hard time, which would really suck for an old lady.

Between this and Wii, old people are kickin ass lately!

Someone actually gets paid for this crap?

Is it just me or have company slogans been getting stupider? Take for example Radio Shack's latest work of genius:
"Do Stuff."
What the HELL is that? Do I even have to explain how incredibly moronic that is? The scariest part is they probably paid some big advertising firm thousands of dollars to come up with it. The only excuse I could think of is that maybe they were trying to rip off something in the style of Nike's "Just Do It," but they failed miserably. In my mind, Radio Shack is about the lowest level electronics store anyways, but this slogan just brings them down to a whole new level of mind-boggling inanity. On their advertisements, this slogan is denoted as a Service Mark (SM). After reading the definition of an SM this makes no sense to me, as I would hardly consider the pseudo-sentence-fragment "Do Stuff" to be a service. Just the idea of trademarking such a stupid and basic phrase makes me want to punch somebody. Maybe this low level of brain-drudgery appeals to the morons who actually do things like buy cell phone plans at Radio Shack and are somehow duped into getting a sales commission for one of the sweaty Gil-esque salesdorks.

Family Guy sucks ass, addendum

I was elated to find out that someone else hates the bowel churning circus of feces that Family Guy has become. In an October issue of The Onion, Amelie Gillette (better known as "The Hater") writes (much more eloquently than my frustrated ramblings I might add):

FOX
Stop letting Family Guy do whatever it wants, especially when that means an hourlong Star Wars parody...
...[you shouldn't] just let Family Guy run all over the network with its pointless pop-culture non sequiturs and parodies that are at least 30 years too late. Honestly, a Star Wars parody? That's 60 minutes long? And contains a Grey Poupon reference/non-joke? Please put an end to this before American Dad is allowed to run a two-hour satire of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video that also contains a recreation of the "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" Alka Seltzer commercial from 20 years ago for no reason.

lol
well put
avclub.com/thehater for more gold

fuck you nVidia

Why the fuck do you jackasses have to keep changing the control panel interface in subsequent driver releases?! WHY!?!!?!? What the fuck is wrong with you? Nobody anywhere likes the changes! They all want it to look and function the old way. Do you assholes ever look at your forums? They are full of people who don't like it.

I don't see the point of oversimplifying and making a restrictive interface. The only people who are going to be tinkering with it are the ones who are very knowledgeable about computers and probably built their own machines. So there is no goddamned point in having an interface like that. The only point would be if the layman was doing those things, which they aren't.

Here's why I'm so mad: I have a graphics card that came factory overclocked (don't buy XFX cards, they blow). Unfortunately, this causes mad issues with games (ie, my computer fucking crashes to restart). After a while, my friend let me in on a fix to this. You get this thing called CoolBits, and it adds information to your registry that lets you adjust the clock settings from the nVidia control panel. Except now that they've completely changed the control panel, guess what, I can't fucking do that anymore! So now, of course, the crashes have started again. I have to choose between having the latest drivers and living with constant crashes, or rolling back the driver and not having any crashes. I think I'm going to roll back the driver. Eat shit nVidia. Stop fucking with stuff that doesn't need to be fucked with!

ps: your stupid nTune app fucking sucks. It claims that it will let me change the clock speeds on the card. Well I guess you didn't bother to fucking update it with the new CP interface, because all it does is take me to the CP page for the 3D app settings. NOT WHAT I WANTED! It doesn't do ANYTHING!

Something Is Rotten In the City of Arlington

Every night for the past week or so, there has been a foul stench in the air in Arlington, Virginia. It is distinctly the smell of sewage. So, does Arlington have a sewage problem? The curious thing is that the smell only arises at night. Last night it was particularly foul.

I realize this is my second post in a week about malodorous scents. Before you start thinking that I'm just some oversensitive assbag, I did confirm this with my coworker who also lives in Arlington. He too has smelled an overpowering sewage stench hanging in the air recently.

So what the deal is?
I'm gonna see if I can find anything on the Arlington County website, cause this has to stop. It's plenty cool out so I leave my windows open at night, but then the terrible smell wafts on it.

I've officially given up on Family Guy

Yep, you heard me. I can't stands no mores!
Family Guy is officially an unwatchable pile of shit.
It's sad really -- it took the Simpsons at least twice as long to go sour.

Yes, the last season was pretty terrible. I'm sure if I paid attention to whatever Family Guy dork forums are out there, I'd hear similar gripings to mine. But I figured what the hell, I'll give it one last shot.

I regretted that decision immediately. What in holy hell was that Star Wars BS for the season premier? They didn't even parody Star Wars really (yeah like that hasn't been done a million times anyways). They just re-did all of A New Hope, only animated and with Family Guy characters.

Tonight's episode was even more unbearable. I think the only time I laughed was when Peter put on his Donald Duck "costume." Even that was a bit forced. More and more when I watch, I find myself saying "What the HELL is this? For Christ's sake, somebody throw a freakin pie!" I just watch it, dumbfounded and stricken with horror at what complete un-enjoyable mess the show has become. Will somebody please tell Seth MacFarlane, or whatever poor bastard is writing the show now, that the constant "jokes" that take 5 long painful deadpan minutes to tell (ie, Chris and the store clerk talking about movies -- omg a Clerks reference AHA AHAHAHAHAHA OMG MAKE IT STOP) and hammer blatantly into the ground are NOT FUNNY and make the show PAINFUL to watch? Do they even care?

Maybe their popularity on Adult Swim has gone to their heads. Maybe now they are just catering the shows to whatever tardbags think Squidbillies and 12 oz Mouse are funny.

I don't know, I really don't. I think the whole cartoons for adults thing has most definitely imploded and destroyed everything remotely funny on it's way to oblivion.

The only good thing to come out of tonight's episode was the dropping of the horrible Gillian character played by drew fat whorebag berrymore. Jesus god that character was such a horrible abomination. Now if they'd only get rid of the old peg leg pirate guy who stopped being funny the second time he appeared. And what the hell, why is the old pedophile neighbor guy a regular character now? I hate to bring up the Simpsons comparison again, but they didn't start basing episodes around one-liner gag characters (Gil) until season freaking 18!

ughhhhh
I got so weirded out by the horribleness of tonight's Family Guy that I changed the channel half way through to watch Ken Burns' "The War." That's how freaking bad it was!

I once compared the now terrible Simpsons episodes to a person you've been friends with for a while -- but then that person goes and makes a complete ass out of themselves, and you feel embarrassed for ever having known them. Family Guy is most certainly that friend now. Except pretend that this "friend" also ran over your dog and raped your sister.

question #2

This isn't so much a serious question, I just hate riding the metro.
So uh, why does the Metro ALWAYS smell like a combination of burning plastic and feces? Are there always people smoking crack and smearing shit on the walls down there when I'm not looking?
It's the worst on really hot days. For obvious reasons, yes -- but also because they sometimes have these huge fans set up blowing towards the gates. Their hearts are in the right spot, but what it amounts to is you getting a face-full of the foulest smelling air outside of a rendering plant.

question 1

Does anybody know what the hell the deal is with double zippers? I wore one of my jackets today since it's freezing in the mornings now, and it has one of them doohickies on it. For those of you confused as to what I'm talking about here's a picture:


It's the most useless thing in the universe. You can unzip your jacket from bottom to top -- oh boy! I've always needed to do that!
I've never in my life seen anyone wearing a jacket or coat in that manner. So what the hell are these things for? I'd look like a jackass with my jacket zipped halfway up from the bottom, plus I'd be cold, thereby defeating the purpose of wearing a jacket.
The only thing they serve to do is to make it a pain in the ass to zip up your jacket. That's it.
I have another jacket with a single zipper on it. Guess what, it works great! It's a fantastic system!
But my double zipper jacket has nothing but problems when it comes to zipping up.